Rogue in Wonderland
by Orange Lantern Tsume
Summary: Rogue follows the White Rabbit into Wonderland. She has a wild adventure, but should she get out, or will she hurt others by escaping Wonderland? R&R! COMPLETE!
1. Through The KittyHole

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: This is going to be pretty weird, so get a barf bag.  
  
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Chapter 1: Through The Kitty-Hole  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"That was a good workout, Rogue," Storm said from the Danger Room's control center. "You should go rest now."  
  
"Sure," the other said, heading upstairs and getting a shower. When she had gotten into some fresh clothes, she walked over to the window, wondering what to do now---  
  
---When she spotted Kitty, running across the lawn, wearing a white suit and bunny ears. For a VERY long moment, Rogue stared at her friend, thinking that Kitty had finally gone off the deep end. Would Lance push her that far?  
  
'Better investigate,' Rogue thought, heading downstairs as fast as she could to catch up with her friend. Kitty hadn't gone far, running towards the woods, when Rogue caught up with her. "Kitty. What's with the getup?"  
  
Kitty stopped for a moment and looked at her. "Oh, I'm not Kitty. My name's the White Rabbit." She pulled a ridiculously large gold pocket watch and showed it to Rogue. "And I'm late! If I don't show up for the Queen's party, she'll have my head!"  
  
Kitty put the pocket watch away as she dashed past Rogue and ran into a hole in the ground, going through. 'Is she nuts?' Rogue thought. Having little choice, Rogue went in as well. The hole was a lengthy tunnel, which opened up enough to crawl freely in.  
  
'Kitty has to be nuts to go through here,' Rogue thought. Then suddenly, the floor dropped away, and Rogue tumbled down a black abyss.  
  
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Rogue woke up, rubbing her sore head. She had bumped it on the way down, and as she glanced about, she spotted the White Rabbit running towards a door in a tree.  
  
"Hey, wait up!" Rogue called; but the Rabbit didn't listen, going through the door and closing it. Rogue found it locked when she got to it.  
  
"Having some trouble, dear?" a voice asked. Rogue looked up and spotted Mystique atop the tree, wearing a purple and pink skintight bodysuit. "Who are you?"  
  
"I'm the Cheshire Cat, my sweet," Mystique smiled. "And if you want access to Wonderland, you have to ask."  
  
"Then can I go through?"  
  
"Go through what?"  
  
"The door!"  
  
"What door?"  
  
"The one is this tree!"  
  
"There's a door in this tree? Goodness, I'll have the Carpenter remove it at once."  
  
"Just let me into Wonderland, please?" Rogue begged.  
  
"Only had to ask," the Cheshire Cat smiled, the door opening of its own accord. Rogue entered, mentally cursing her mother. On the other side, Rogue glanced the White Rabbit going around a corner, and gave chase.  
  
After a moment of running, Rogue came to a very crazy site.  
  
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AUTHOR: What did she find? To know, you must  
  
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	2. The Very Merry UnBirthday

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for the reviews, few though they were!  
  
TO The Scribe: Could you please not tell me how to write my fics; it gets annoying.  
  
TO gambitgirl: It isn't easy with limited spots; I have to use the Queen's deck.  
  
TO Fuzzy Elf: What does LMAO mean? I've heard that several times.  
  
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Chapter 2: The Very Merry Un-Birthday  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue blinked when she saw the two lunatics, although she could hardly count the one of them as a lunatic. 'What were you expecting? Kitty's a ditz, and the White Rabbit is late, so duh.'  
  
She walked forward, leaning over the waist level gate that was between the high hedges. Beyond those things, there was a large, open and grassy purchase of land with at least half a dozen tables scattered about, chairs and countless teacups and pots on each table.  
  
And singing loudly were Lance and Kurt.  
  
"A very merry un-birthday to you!" Lance said.  
  
"To me?" Kurt asked.  
  
"To you!" said Lance.  
  
"A very merry un-birthday to you!" Kurt began.  
  
"To me?" asked Lance.  
  
"To you!" Kurt confirmed.  
  
The two weirdoes kept singing along happily for a short while before stopping abruptly.  
  
"Hold it!" Lance said. "Now something's amiss!"  
  
"We've found sweet Alice!" Kurt cried, pointing to Rogue.  
  
Both boys rushed over to her, and Rogue could finally make out their own getups clearly.  
  
Kurt wore a red tailcoat, brown slacks, a white button-up shirt, an orange vest, and his blue fur was showing. Lance wore a green tailcoat, a green pair of slacks, a yellow vest, and a green top hat with a 10/6 card in the hatband.  
  
"Come, come, dear girl!" Lance said.  
  
"Let joy unfurl!" Kurt said.  
  
"Uh, guys, what are you doing?" Rogue asked, perplexed.  
  
"We're having a tea party, of course!" Kurt beamed.  
  
"Yes, would you like to join us?" Lance asked.  
  
"I guess so," Rogue said. She would have seated herself, but Lance and Kurt hoisted her up onto their shoulders and carried her to a seat.  
  
"Now, dear Alice, it's not your birthday, is it?" Kurt asked.  
  
"No," Rogue said, wondering where this was going.  
  
"Then a very merry un-birthday to you!" Lance cried joyously. He and Kurt began to dance around the table, leaving Rogue to wonder if she was going to end up losing her sanity in this Wonderland as well as everyone else.  
  
"If you don't mind my asking, who are you guys?" she asked, thinking that Kitty might not be the only person suffering from a split personality.  
  
"Why, I am the March Hare!" Kurt said proudly.  
  
"And I am the Mad Hatter!" Lance said, kissing the back of Rogue's hand with charming manners. "And of course we know you."  
  
"You do?" Rogue asked, shocked that anyone knew her real name.  
  
"You're our beloved Alice!" both youths said cheerily. Lance snatched a pot of tea while Kurt put a cup in front of Rogue.  
  
"Have a spot of tea?" Lance said.  
  
"Or just half a cup?" Kurt asked.  
  
"I could have half," Rogue said.  
  
"Splendid!" Kurt beamed. He produced a large kitchen knife and bisected the cup down the middle. Rogue watched, completely amazed, as Lance poured the hot tea from the pot and it filled up the standing half of the cup, as if an invisible barrier prevented it from leaking.  
  
Rogue was about to ask about that when Kurt held up a small person with a mini skateboard. "Sugar?" he asked sweetly.  
  
"I suppose," Rogue asked, studying the small person, who stood no more than maybe two inches. Her eyes ballooned when she saw the tiny youth was Evan! "What's with him?" she asked about her teammate.  
  
"Oh, he's the dorSpyke," Lance said. "Just say when."  
  
Rogue noticed Evan was using his skateboard to shovel small spoonfuls of sugar into her tea. "When," she said, and he stopped, moving on and eventually giving the other two sugar. But he managed to sneak a small amount for himself, ate it, and began zooming around the able at high speed, like a miniature rocket.  
  
"Catch him!" Lance---the Mad Hatter, Rogue reminded herself---leaping up from his seat and making a grab at Evan.  
  
"I got him!" Kurt, the March Hare, declared, smashing several cups with a mallet as he tried to flatten Evan. Rogue stuck out a finger and Evan's skateboard tripped over it, and the Mad Hatter was able to trap him inside an upside-down teapot with the lid removed.  
  
"There," the Mad Hatter said calmly. "Now, back to our tea party."  
  
"Indeed," the March Hare agreed. "And it's time to celebrate Alice's very merry un-birthday!"  
  
"Right you are, Hare!" Lance cried, jumping up and producing a small package in one hand. "A present for dear Alice!"  
  
"Um, thanks," Rogue said. She opened the wrapped box and pulled out a smaller version of Lance's top hat, with a blue color instead of green, and the car in the hatband reading 5/3.  
  
"She'll become the Mad Alice with that, although she might not want 'the' in the name," Kurt said, producing a present of his own. Rogue took that present as well, the top hat on her head and looking nice (which Lance beamed at the sight of on her) and opened Kurt's gift.  
  
It was a red tailcoat like he wore, but with a Playboy bunny symbol on the breast pocket. "Gee, thanks," Rogue said as she put on the vest.  
  
"There you have it my dear Hatter!" Kurt smirked. "She likes me better than you!"  
  
"Only because everyone knows a Gee is better than an Um, and that she only said her thanks to me before seeing the present," the Hatter replied stiffly.  
  
"It still fits, she's cuter than your ditz!" the Hare said, hugging Rogue lovingly. She wondered if she just won a date with him or something.  
  
Then she blinked. "Wait, you know the White Rabbit?" she asked Lance.  
  
"She's always having good tea parties here with us," Lance replied proudly. "And I am honored to be her companion on lonely nights."  
  
"That's only said because he doesn't have you like I now do," Kurt whispered into Rogue's ear.  
  
"Then do you know where she is?" Rogue asked Lance.  
  
"She's on her way to the Queen's tea party," the other replied. "Oh, there she goes!" He pointed over Rogue's shoulder, and both Kurt and Rogue turned their heads to watch a frantic Kitty run by, waving happily to the Hatter.  
  
"I have to catch her!" Rogue said, getting up and going after Kitty.  
  
"Do be careful!" Lance called. "She's quite fragile!"  
  
"And you're quite mad!" Kurt said. "Alice is more fragile, and she is mine!" He must have just realized Rogue was leaving, because he yelled after her to come back.  
  
"I'll see you guys later or something!" Rogue said, waving as she ran. She ran down the road, turning a couple of corners before coming to a T- junction. "Where now?"  
  
"You could try that way," a feminine voice suggested, pointing with a hand to the left. "Or that way," it said, pointing to the right.  
  
"Cheshire Cat," Rogue said. "Can you please tell me where the White Rabbit went---I mean, which path she went down?"  
  
"Why, that way, young Alice," the Mystique doppelganger said, pointing to the left.  
  
"Thanks," Rogue said as she took off.  
  
"Before she went the other way because the right way is also the correct way," Cheshire added when Rogue was out of earshot. "The Queen will be pleased when you arrive after everyone is ready for the plan, my dear."  
  
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AUTHOR: What's the Cheshire Cat up to, and the Queen, and will Kurt get his woman (Rogue/Alice) back? To learn,  
  
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	3. Seasick

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: THANKS for all the reviews, people!  
  
TO "The Girl Who Wanted To Use Tabitha": Could you sign a name to yourself next time you review? Go ahead and post your own brand of Wonderland; I might even read it one day!  
  
TO iNSANE oNE: No offense, but could you send a more normal review next time?  
  
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Chapter 3: Seasick  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue ran in the direction the Cheshire Cat had given her, but, as before when she had first seen the White Rabbit, the ground abruptly ended and Rogue started falling.  
  
Keeping her wits about her, Rogue snatched her top hat off her head and tried to use it like a parachute; a stupid idea in the real world, but Wonderland was not the real world.  
  
It worked, and she started to glide to the roiling ground---wait a second, roiling? There was an ocean below her! Rogue cursed herself at having believed a psychopath like the Cheshire Cat when she should have followed her gut.  
  
She hit the water, going under for a second and then surfacing, catching a deep breath. She held tightly onto the hat, not wanting this alternate Lance to become upset at her losing it the day she got it. The Hare's tailcoat was already on, and getting wet wasn't likely to remove it.  
  
Rogue began swimming, and used the top hat like swim gear to propel herself forward better. In a minute, she sighted land, and increased speed. There were a couple of people milling about, one man giving orders while a second, scrawnier man followed the said orders.  
  
Rogue washed up on the beach, and lay there, panting heavily.  
  
"I say there, do you need something?" a gruff voice asked. Rogue looked up to see what should have been the no-nonsense face of Logan, but he wasn't Logan. Wearing an indigo tailcoat, gray slacks, a gray top hat, and a red vest, the man before her was very much somebody else. "Lost, dear girl?"  
  
"Yes, actually," Rogue said. She caught her breath and stood up. Brushing the top hat off, she put it on her head. "Can you tell me where I am?"  
  
"Why, you are at Brick And Mortar Island, founding spot of Build This Now, Man!, the company I direct."  
  
"Really? Who are you?"  
  
Logan drew himself up. "I am the Walrus."  
  
Rogue couldn't stop herself bursting out laughing. "I'm sorry!" she gasped as she staggered from laughing. "I didn't mean to laugh, I just didn't expect to hear your name at the moment."  
  
"Oh, quite all right." The Walrus squinted at Rogue, and then gasped himself. "My word!"  
  
"What?" Rogue asked, looking around.  
  
"You're Alice!" The Walrus took off his top hat and stepped forward, kissing her hand exactly as Lance had. "An honor to meet you, My Lady!"  
  
"Oy, who is it?" a younger voice called. Rogue and the Walrus watched as a young man Rogue's age exited a ramshackle building that was in the works and walked towards them.  
  
Rogue noticed it was Pietro when he neared: He wore white overalls, black shoes, and a white painters cap; a handkerchief stuck out from one pocket. He blinked at Rogue, and then kissed her hand as well. "Name's the Carpenter, My Lady Alice!"  
  
"Nice to meet the both of you," Rogue managed to say. "Not to just up and leave you gentlemen, but can you help me find the White Rabbit? She kind of lured me into Wonderland, and I was hoping to find my way out before I lose my mind."  
  
"Of course we'll help!" the Walrus smiled pleasantly. "Carpenter, build this fine lady the best boat you can!"  
  
"Right ho, sir!" With a tip of his painter's cap, Pietro began building with speedy yet skilled movements. In under an hour, practically before her very eyes, Rogue saw him complete an entire small fishing boat, ready for use. "There you are, dear Alice!"  
  
"Aboard, madam!" the Walrus said, helping her aboard. "And send my compliments to the Queen when you see here at the party! There is not a single chance the guard would turn you away!"  
  
"But how do I get to the Queen's party?"  
  
"Simple," the Walrus smirked. "You don't."  
  
"Huh?" Rogue was VERY confused now.  
  
"You see, the Queen's party gets to you. A psychological effect on some," the Carpenter told her. With a powerful push, the Walrus used his foot to shove Rogue's boat off, and the sea carried her far.  
  
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Rogue lost her lunch a couple of times on the ride, but was otherwise fine.  
  
'Is everyone here obsessed with me?' she asked herself. 'It's like I'm God, and everyone's kissing up to me---well, not as much as Lance and Kurt did with their birthday gifts, or the Walrus and Carpenter with their boat, but kissing up somewhat.'  
  
She looked out to the horizon, hoping to get home one day.  
  
'I might be stuck here forever, never getting home and going mad.' She shuddered at the thought, and then threw up again. 'God, let me get home. I don't mind this place too much, but it isn't where I belong.'  
  
Rogue felt very homesick at that time, praying over and over.  
  
(Not far away):  
  
"Will she make it?" the Queen asked.  
  
"Oh, yes," the Cheshire Cat smiled. "She's destined to lead us to a place greater than our prison here. Wonderland may be a paradise at times, but the lunacy of it all gets boring until we have to play all over again."  
  
"I know that, you idiot!" the Queen snapped. "But if she does deliver to us a new heaven, then she only deserves the place of Alice, our own goddess!"  
  
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AUTHOR: Good God, what is working in the shadows! To find out,  
  
READ N REVIEW! (Sorry for a short chapter!) 


	4. Huff and Puff

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: THANKS for all the reviews, hommies!  
  
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Chapter 4: Huff and Puff  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue awoke to find her boat grounded on a bank. She got out and looked around, and then cleaned her top hat and tailcoat and proceeded onward into the forest.  
  
The trees with large, and quite thick. Shortly, she would learn people are thicker.  
  
"Say how do you what again?" a deep voice asked.  
  
"Say 'How do you do?' is the line," a whiny voice informed the first one.  
  
'Oh, God, not THOSE guys,' Rogue groaned inwardly. 'As if having my own brother hit on me isn't enough...'  
  
Stepping into a small clearing, Rogue spotted two very different---yet now very similar---people in front of her: Dressed in red overalls, beanie hats, and yellow shirts with blue bowties, Todd and Fred were Wonderland's Tweedles.  
  
"Look, there's some chick we can practice on," Todd said, walking over to Rogue, Fred close behind.  
  
"Say how do you do?" Todd began cheerily.  
  
"The cows go moo," Fred joined in.  
  
"A little bit of shoe," Todd went on.  
  
"And you have some glue," Fred finished, both smiling broadly.  
  
"Well," Todd asked of Rogue. "Any good?"  
  
"Somehow, I doubt you guys are cut out for this," Rogue said flatly.  
  
"She's right, man," Fred said, seating himself on a fallen tree.  
  
"We're better off now than we were before," Todd said.  
  
"What did you used to do?" Rogue asked.  
  
"Hand out brochures for the Queen and her doting lapdog, the Duke," Todd said sourly.  
  
"I never heard of the Duke."  
  
"He's nothing special, just a slave."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No," Todd snickered. "But everyone makes fun of him because he's such a suckup to the Queen."  
  
"Hey, I got it!" Fred said. "We can become carpenters!"  
  
Todd clapped a hand to his forehead. "You dolt! There's already a Carpenter, and he's unbeatable!"  
  
"Oh, right," said Fred glumly, sitting down again. "Do you think we should retire?"  
  
Just then---  
  
"Not you guys again!" two children's voices groaned. "We've had enough of you nuts!"  
  
"Says you!" Todd said.  
  
Rogue turned to see the owners of the voices...and her jaw dropped. Standing side by side were two Jamies, duplicates of the real X-Man.  
  
"We're the real Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee!" the clones said.  
  
"Not anymore!" Fred said. "We're just as brainless as you are---in fact, we're even dumber than you could be!"  
  
"Oh, God," Rogue groaned. "This could go on forever!"  
  
"Who are YOU?" Jamie 1 and Jamie 2 demanded. Then they both had oversized eyes as they realized who she was. "It's Alice!"  
  
"No way!" Todd said. "Me first!" He kissed her hand first.  
  
"My turn!" Fred said, shoving the others aside as he practically smothered Rogue's hand with his huge lips.  
  
"Our turns!" the clones said, almost jumping into Rogue's arms.  
  
"Could you guys please calm down?" Rogue begged.  
  
"OKAY!" they all beamed.  
  
"And can someone please tell me where to find the White Rabbit?"  
  
"Did someone call my name?" the Kitty copycat asked, poking her head through the mass of trees.  
  
"Hold it right there!" Rogue said, chasing after the Rabbit.  
  
"Eek!" Kitty shrieked as she took off at amazing speed, practically rivaling Pietro.  
  
"Blast it!" Rogue swore. She looked around and realized that she had chased her game all the way into a patch of giant flowers. Looking around, Rogue found a single path and set on it.  
  
"Who're you, little girl?" a gruff voice from above asked.  
  
Looking upwards, Rogue found---"Sabretooth!"  
  
"Actually, it's Dandetooth," the talking dandelion informed her.  
  
"And we are the White Roses," a more solemn voice said. Rogue looked around up high to spot a talking patch of white roses, all with Ororo's face.  
  
"Um, can you please tell me where I am?" Rogue asked.  
  
"You are in the Queen's flowerbed," a deep voice told her. Turning, Rogue found the man who was normally Professor Xavier, but this time the Caterpillar. "I believe I can help you."  
  
"Really, because that would be so good."  
  
"Have a seat on that mushroom and let me speak."  
  
Rogue sat carefully on top of the massive mushroom, level with the Caterpillar.  
  
"Now, I sense you are experiencing emotional distress."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And you need to find someone you can connect to."  
  
"That would be great."  
  
"Then you have only one thing to do."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"You must date and subsequently marry the March Hare so that he may rub this all in the faces of the White Rabbit and Mad Hatter."  
  
Rogue's jaw dropped LOW and she stared blankly at the man whose body stretched down the length of his own mushroom.  
  
Then Rogue's eyes narrowed. "Did the Hare put you up to this?"  
  
"Uh---No," the Caterpillar replied, but he was sweating lightly.  
  
"Is he hiding behind you?"  
  
"Certainly not." More sweat.  
  
"I bet he is, and I think I'll have a look."  
  
"You can't!"  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because of the---toxic radiation! Yes, that's it; there are tons of toxic nuclear radiation from New Jersey on the other side of this mushroom! Yes, very dangerous!"  
  
Rogue frowned. "Just how stupid do I look?"  
  
"With a dress sense that bad, I would say incurably stupid."  
  
Rogue was offended. "This hat and this coat were gifts!"  
  
"Aha---you DO love the March Hare!" a voice from behind the Caterpillar said.  
  
"Is that you?" Rogue demanded suspiciously.  
  
"No," the voice replied.  
  
But just as Rogue was about to investigate, the Caterpillar said, "Oh, my, look at the time!"  
  
"That's it!" Rogue remembered. "I still need to catch the White Rabbit!"  
  
Rogue jumped off the mushroom, only to be caught up by one of the rings of smoke the Caterpillar had been blowing.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Sorry, dear Alice," the Caterpillar apologized. "But you need to get to the Queen's tea party on time, you know, and chasing around your sweetheart won't get you there."  
  
With another puff of his pipe, he blew Rogue away on a thick purple cloud. It carried her to the edge of the flowerbed and then descended to the ground, letting her get off.  
  
"I'll get that Rabbit," Rogue promised. She started walking down the path when the ground gave out under her and she slipped down halfway to a gully, one that had jagged rocks at the bottom of it. "Help!"  
  
"Have no fear!" the voice from the mushroom said. "I'll save you here!"  
  
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AUTHOR: I'm very sorry if this chapter was stupid or something, but I had no idea of what to write.  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	5. Hopping Hearts

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for the reviews, guys and gals!  
  
To gambitgirl: Glad you actually liked the chapter; I myself was unsure of its effect when I wrote it. But what do you mean, "They know what's going on?"  
  
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Chapter 5: Hopping Hearts  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes, but didn't have much of a choice but to take his hand and let him save her.  
  
When she got to the road again, the March Hare had a smile that should have split his head in half---twice.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Kurt said. He was giddy with excited pleasure. "Alice actually lured me into saving her---classic romance tactic! I knew you liked me!"  
  
Rogue snorted. "Did you put the Caterpillar up to saying I had to get with you?"  
  
"Uh, certainly not."  
  
"You're lying!"  
  
"Why would I, my sweet?" Kurt smiled, hugging her before she could stop him.  
  
"Because you love me," Rogue said. "Now let go---I still need to catch the White Rabbit and get out of here!"  
  
"But you don't need to do those things," the Hare said eerily, waving his fingers in front of her face. "You're getting very sleepy---no, scratch that---you're getting very horny---"  
  
"Oh please!" Rogue snapped, pushing Kurt aside and starting towards the Queen's palace, which was visible from the road.  
  
"You can't deny your true feelings, my love!" Kurt called as chased her.  
  
"You're right," Rogue said, acting serious.  
  
"I knew it!" Kurt said triumphantly. "You ARE as madly in love with me as I am with you!"  
  
"My true feelings are that you and everyone else here is completely insane." Rogue walked away again.  
  
But Kurt was unfazed. "Love won't run forever!"  
  
"And just what is THAT supposed to mean?" Rogue yelled over her shoulder.  
  
"That you love me!"  
  
"Yeah---I'd love to break your face!"  
  
"That would merely be a testament to our compatibility!" Kurt told her.  
  
"Is everyone here not only nuts, but a masochist?" Rogue asked aloud.  
  
"You just want to play hard to get," Kurt winked, leaning closely against her.  
  
Rogue took a stride forward and Kurt fell over, having leaned completely on her for support. "I'm going to the Queen's party to catch that dang Rabbit, and I don't need you in the way---"  
  
"Of letting you prove that our love is superior to the Hatter's and Rabbit's?" Kurt asked hopefully.  
  
"I meant to end where you cut in," Rogue said as she stormed off.  
  
Kurt sighed dreamily. "We were made for each other."  
  
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The Queen tapped her foot impatiently. "Where is she?"  
  
"Um, somewhere, Your Majesty," the Duke replied. "She's traveling by foot, so she isn't going fast."  
  
"Duh! When people travel by foot, they're usually very slow, you moron!" the Queen snapped at the Duke.  
  
"Should we give her a ride?" asked the Judge.  
  
"You can't even drive!" Duke said. "And besides, you're not allowed: Only the Queen and the Princess are allowed to drive."  
  
"And I regret having the Princess," the Queen scowls. "All she does is beg for crap, bitch about what she does and doesn't have, and then go psycho over all of Wonderland."  
  
"Tell me about it," a Card complained. "She framed me for painting the roses red, remember?"  
  
"Oh, I remember THAT ONE, all right," another Card said. "She made everyone think the Queen wanted red roses, but she switched the paint in some places, and some roses ended up green, periwinkle, and purple!"  
  
"She has balls for a girl, that's for sure," the Judge said. The Queen glared at him. "What?"  
  
"Dude, just shut up about the Princess already," one of the Cards advised the Judge.  
  
"Once Alice gets here," the Queen said, an evil grin on her face, "then the REAL fun begins!"  
  
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'How many places are there where this she-jerk can hide?' Rogue wondered of the White Rabbit. 'It's like she just vanishes!'  
  
"Hey, Alice, I'm back!" the March Hare called as he landed next to her from a hop.  
  
"I thought bunnies and rabbits hopped, not hares," Rogue said.  
  
"Yeah, well, this IS Wonderland."  
  
"Oh, right, I forgot."  
  
"Look, I picked some pretty flowers for you!" He held out a bouquet of wildflowers out to her to take, and Rogue stared in total shock when she saw the faces on the flowers: Amara, Jubilee, and Rahne.  
  
"You lunatic!" Rogue said, grabbing the Hare's tailcoat front and pulling him close. "You probably killed them!"  
  
Kurt couldn't have looked more pleased at her reaction. "I knew you'd love them!"  
  
Rogue just stared at him, unable to believe it all. She pushed him away and kept walking.  
  
"Alice, look," Kurt said, sounding a little serious. "I know I might not seem like the best guy there is, but I really want to be with you."  
  
Rogue stopped, turning to face the Hare. "I'm sorry, I really am, but I don't belong here."  
  
Kurt seemed to brighten up, much to her surprise. "Before long, you will!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Kurt pulled a teacup from one sleeve and a hot pot of tea from the other. "I made this specifically for you, Alice. I had the Hatter help me so that it warps the mind, and when you wake up, you'll only be my Alice, as it must---as it will---be."  
  
Rogue backed away, stunned. "But, what about the effect wearing off?"  
  
"Oh, I'll just make more tea then."  
  
"You're crazy!"  
  
"No, I'm your true love."  
  
Rogue lashed out, kicking the March Hare in the shin, which made him drop both items and spilling the tea.  
  
"Okay," Kurt scowled, "that didn't work. But I can always try the usual routine until I get more Mental Tea."  
  
"And what's the usual routine?" Rogue asked suspiciously.  
  
"Endless love!" Kurt cried merrily, rushing forward to give Rogue another embrace. A kick to the other shin convinced him doing so wasn't smart. "Okay, I won't do that for a while."  
  
Just then, Rogue and Kurt heard the strangest sound one could hear in Wonderland: The sound of someone imitating the Great White Ape himself.  
  
"That had better not be Tarzan," Rogue said darkly.  
  
Kurt, however, was looking around frantically. "Oh, not him again! I won't let him take you!"  
  
"Who?" Rogue asked.  
  
Before the March Hare could answer her, a figure swung down on a vine and swept Rogue away.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: Okay, I'm sorry for the evil Kurt bit, but remember, folks, he's desperate for a little something something. Anyway,  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	6. The Tea Party Card

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry for the wait, all, and thanks for the reviews!  
  
TO Me2: What does ROFL mean?  
  
TO gambitgirl: Wait and see.  
  
TO All: Everyone knows that I meant "sex" when I said Kurt needed a little something something, right?  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 6: The Tea Party Card  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Alice! Oh, snap!" the March Hare swore, futilely chasing after the Tarzan wannabe and his captive.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"Could you put me down, please?" Rogue asked the man swinging on the vine.  
  
"Why, sure, Alice," the man said.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"I'm the Sexy Thief," Gambit said proudly.  
  
'Well, that's not far from the truth,' Rogue thought. 'He IS really sexy.'  
  
The two set down some distance from where Rogue had been snatched up, and Gambit began walking towards a boat in a river that was a deep pink. They got in, Gambit rowing, and started off towards the Thief's abode upriver.  
  
"Just why did you grab me back there?" Rogue asked.  
  
"You really want to know?" Gambit grinned.  
  
"Duh."  
  
"It's because I think you're even sexier than me, and that's virtually impossible. The Mad Hatter has always been saying that his woman is better than any---except if the Queen or her men are around---and now I can prove him wrong."  
  
Rogue stared at him blankly. "You have got to be joking."  
  
"Nope," Gambit said. "You and me are meant to be."  
  
Rogue snorted. "Any way you can prove that?"  
  
Gambit smiled. "Glad you asked now, since I can show you when we get to our home."  
  
Rogue COULD NOT BELIEVE her luck. 'Is EVERY guy in Wonderland after me--- except for Lance and Evan.' She found her voice and repeated, "OUR home?"  
  
"Of course," Gambit said as if it were perfectly normal to snatch women and pretend it was destiny. "You'll really like it, I'm sure."  
  
'My God, he's just like Kurt.'  
  
They reached the riverbank farthest upstream and left the boat, Gambit being a gentleman and helping Rogue.  
  
"Now put this on," he told her, holding up a blindfold. Scowling and rolling her eyes, Rogue did so, being led by holding Gambit's hand. After a short while walking, they stopped. "Okay, you can take it off."  
  
Rogue did so, and gaped at the "house": It was a giant boot, windows on the sides and a door on the toe. "THAT'S our house?" she said.  
  
"No, that's the guest house," Gambit corrected her. "The Sexy Thief has a much better, much bigger and much more elegant house. It's right over there."  
  
Rogue followed his pointing finger and saw the real house: It was a giant peach. "There better not be a kid named James inside that thing," she said.  
  
"Still wrong; it's behind the dog house."  
  
The real house turned out to be a gigantic house of cards that seemed to reach the clouds---and since she was in Wonderland, Rogue was pretty certain it did.  
  
"Now come on, sweetheart," Gambit said, prodding her forward with a hand on her back. "We need to get ready for the wedding."  
  
Rogue's jaw dragged along the ground, which was a good five feet below her head.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
The Queen was furious. "I can't believe you morons let that Sexy Thief snatch the girl!"  
  
"It wasn't our fault!" the Duke protested.  
  
"That's right," the Judge agreed. "The Hare was the one who let her get taken by that stupid Sexy Thief!"  
  
"Oops," Kurt said.  
  
"Let's behead him!" the Princess said.  
  
"You don't have any say in this!" the Queen snapped.  
  
"But I'm YOUR daughter!" the Princess retorted.  
  
"Sometimes I wish you weren't!"  
  
"Please don't behead me!" the Hare begged, dropping to his knees and pleading in classic manner.  
  
"Oh shut up!" the Queen barked, and the March Hare did so.  
  
"Now what?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Duh!" the Duke replied. "We get our Alice back!"  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Rogue actually liked the house of cards. It had indoor plumbing, a library, a place to play cards, and it even had some very nice rooms. Rogue especially liked her own room, which was decked out in queen designs and made her look like royalty.  
  
'Maybe getting hitched to the Sexy Thief won't be so bad,' she mused. 'I mean, he IS hot, and really nice.'  
  
"All ready?" Gambit asked through the door.  
  
Rogue's face went bright red and she said back, "Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"Don't take too long, or we'll have to wait for you." Then he was gone.  
  
Rogue could not believe all this: She was only fifteen (AN: I think) and she was getting married in Wonderland of all places, to a guy named the Sexy Thief of all names. Oh well, at least her wedding gown looked nice.  
  
It was pure white, with playing card designs all over it. The veil was quite translucent and Rogue rather liked it.  
  
In no time at all, she was dressed and with Gambit while he showed why they should be together.  
  
He had his cards all laid out in front of him on a table, and was turning them face up one by one. First was the Prince of Diamonds, Kurt; next was the Prince of Spades, Gambit; final was Rogue, the Queen of Clubs.  
  
"And there you have it," Gambit said simply. "I got you when the Hare wasn't paying attention to the chance he had, and now you'll be mine forever."  
  
"Gee, that's SO great," Rogue lied.  
  
Shortly thereafter, they went outside, where a priest, Roberto, waiting for them with a torch near him. As they neared, Rogue saw the torch had Pyro's face on it. "Hello," he said.  
  
Gambit took Rogue's hand in his own, a HUGE grin on his face, while Roberto read from the passage in the book he held. "Do you, Sexy Thief, take Alice here to be your lawfully wedded wife, till another woman or a huge amount of money do you part?"  
  
"I do, although I don't think I could leave her for anything---maybe I'll share it with her."  
  
"And do you, Alice, take the Sexy Thief as your lawfully wedded husband, till catch him cheating on you or find out the sex isn't good enough no matter what do you part?"  
  
Rogue was briefly stunned at the words for each, but got over it. She needed to keep her wits about her, and she would feel very guilty indeed if she hurt even an alternate Gambit, since she inwardly liked the real one.  
  
But just as she opened her mouth, a high wind kicked up, startling the small group and a voice called out.  
  
"I'm here, Alice! I've come to save you!"  
  
"Oh no you haven't!" a second voice called out. "You better not like her more than me, the skanky slut!"  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: Again, very sorry for the wait, but I needed something special for this chapter, and I wrote this!  
  
NOTE: The title might be confusing, so here: Gambit has the ultimate tea party by trying to marry Rogue.  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	7. Mad Love

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for all the reviews, guys!  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 7: Mad Love  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The wind pushed harder, and before she even knew what had happened, Rogue was whisked up onto a giant black form, which quickly pulled up and away from Gambit.  
  
"Hey!" Gambit called. "She's MY WOMAN! Give her back!"  
  
But it was useless: Rogue had been abducted, and the Sexy Thief knew he had to go and get his woman back.  
  
"Oh, drat," Pyro, the Torch, said. "My flame's gone out."  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
"This is who you wanted to rescue from the Sexy Thief!?" the White Rabbit glared. "I can't believe it! I thought you loved me!"  
  
"I do!" Lance, the Mad Hatter, replied as he sat astride the neck of a giant raven.  
  
"If you grabbed THIS slut, then I doubt that claim!" the White Rabbit, Kitty, shrieked.  
  
"What the heck is going on?" Rogue asked. "Where are we going?"  
  
"You're on the Blackbird," the Hatter called over his shoulder as he steered the giant bird.  
  
'How ironic,' Rogue thought.  
  
"The Queen wanted us to look for you since the Sexy Thief nabbed you, and so we did," Lance explained.  
  
"And we are headed where?" Rogue asked.  
  
"The Hatter and I are headed to our own place, you little hoe," Kitty sneered. "You get dropped off at the Queen's."  
  
"No, we're ALL going to the Queen's party," Lance corrected his girlfriend.  
  
"What?" Kitty gaped. "But she---" she began, pointing to Rogue.  
  
"Oh, shush! Just because you think she's trying to steal me doesn't make it true!"  
  
"But look at her, dressed to marry a man on the spot," Kitty protested, looking quite desperate in her outfit and with her bunny ears growing out the top of her head.  
  
"Just let me drive!" Lance snapped.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
The Queen was impatient. "When is she getting here?"  
  
"Uh," the Duke said as he checked his watch. "Half past last year."  
  
"Your watch is broken," the Judge said as he checked his own. "She'll get here whenever, that's what my watch says."  
  
"I like the Judge's answer better than yours, Duke," the Queen said.  
  
"Yeah, well, I caught the Judge with your daughter last night!" the Duke said.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"It wasn't my fault!" the Judge pleaded. "She forced me to!"  
  
"Oh God, man, get a backbone!" the Queen scolded. "You'd think someone with your learning would stand up to a young woman like the Princess."  
  
"She had an axe!" the Judge said.  
  
"So, it was probably only one!" the Duke said. "He's just a coward."  
  
"At least I didn't get a handjob from the Cheshire Cat!" the Judge shot back.  
  
Everyone looked at the Duke.  
  
"What?" he asked nervously.  
  
"You got it on with the Cheshire Cat?" the Queen demanded.  
  
"She snuck up on me!" the Duke cried.  
  
"No excuse! Your head goes off next time."  
  
"Can I do it?" the Princess asked as she entered the throne room. "Please?"  
  
"No!"  
  
The Princess sulked back to her room.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
"Just why do we have to use a giant bird?" Rogue asked.  
  
"Well, it was the only thing we could find," Lance said.  
  
"And the only thing that would accept hoes!" Kitty said.  
  
"Shut up!" Rogue snapped.  
  
"Who's going to make me?"  
  
Rogue slapped her.  
  
"Hatter, do something!" Kitty whined.  
  
"I'm steering this thing!" he called back. "Just get along!"  
  
"No slut slaps the White Rabbit," Kitty growled as she slapped Rogue back, the beginning of a contest.  
  
"Ladies, please!" Lance begged.  
  
"I knew it!" Kitty wailed. "You DO want her more than me!"  
  
"Just shut up!"  
  
They flew in silence for a while before spotting the Queen's castle in the far distance.  
  
"How much longer?" Kitty complained.  
  
"I don't know," Lance snapped.  
  
"Just shut up," Rogue warned the Rabbit.  
  
"Make me."  
  
Rogue punched her out with a single shot to the face.  
  
"Jeez, you sure don't hit like a girl," the Hatter said. "She never shuts up."  
  
"Why do you like her in the first place?"  
  
"I met her when I had my first tea party with the Hare, years ago. Nobody ever ages around here: You're stuck like you are, at one age, even though you can have kids and they can grow to a certain age.  
  
"I saw the White Rabbit and just went into a daze, mumbling about drinking her tea. I just fell madly in love."  
  
"Heavy."  
  
"I know. I talked to her, and from then on, we've been together, despite her weird behavior like you saw."  
  
"Sorry I hit her."  
  
"Don't be."  
  
The castle came closer, and they set down before long. Rogue climbed off the huge bird, and with the Hatter hefting the Rabbit over one shoulder, the trio walked up to the entrance.  
  
Not far away:  
  
The Sexy Thief was panting heavily. He had been forced to run, not finding a good vine to swing on so that he could save some energy for when he crashed the Queen's party.  
  
"I'll get you, chere," he promised.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: If the title didn't make sense, sorry.  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	8. Queen of Mean

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry for any confusion about the title last chapter, and thanks for all the swell reviews!  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Chapter 8: Queen of Mean  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The huge double doors to the castle foyer opened, allowing Rogue, the Mad Hatter, and the White Rabbit to enter, the Rabbit slung over the shoulder of her lover, the Hatter.  
  
"So, you finally got here?" the Duke asked.  
  
Rogue found herself staring: Scott Summers was the Duke! He wore a frilly and almost laughable getup to make him look like his namesake.  
  
"Who are you?" Rogue asked.  
  
"I," Scott said, drawing himself up proudly, "am the Duke of Scott."  
  
"More like the Duke of Scotch Whiskey," the Hatter whispered into Rogue's ear, making her giggle.  
  
"Stop that!" the Duke ordered.  
  
The Hatter held up his hands innocently. "Okay, Snot."  
  
"That's Scott, you dolt!"  
  
"Sure thing, Spot."  
  
Frustrated, the Duke threw his hands up and stalked off, muttering darkly about beheading a few lowlifes.  
  
After some time, the Duke returned and admitted them into the throne room. Rogue glanced around, noticing familiar faces from all over Wonderland: the Walrus, Carpenter, Hare, dorSpyke, all four Tweedles, the Caterpillar, and the Cheshire Cat.  
  
She looked at the Queen and rolled her eyes: It was Jean, as if anyone else could be the Queen.  
  
The redhead glared at her visitors from her throne. "This is the one girl?"  
  
"Sure is," the Duke replied.  
  
"She's a little scrawny," Jean said, scratching her chin. "She needs to fix something. I've got it---push up your breasts!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Rogue blinked.  
  
"You heard me! You don't have the proper look of an attractive young lady, so you need to resort to the proper means. Now, try and make your rack presentable!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"What? You dare refuse an order from the Queen?"  
  
"You ain't no Queen of mine!"  
  
"How dare you?" Jean bellowed. "I'll have your head!" She motioned to some unseen guards. "Lock her up until the trial!"  
  
The guards turned out to be people-sized playing cards with heads, hands, and feet, carrying axes. The faces they had were Ray, Rahne, and Jubilee.  
  
"Hold it!" another voice said. "I want to see her first!"  
  
Rogue turned and saw the last person she would ever believe capable of being in Wonderland: Tabitha. Dressed similar to Jean, only wearing purple instead of red on her lovely dress, and with a silver tiara, Tabitha was the Princess of Hearts.  
  
"Just think of how much fun I could have with her!" Tabitha said, rushing over to Rogue and examining her hair and clothes. "And she's even dressed for the occasion, the sly girl! A wedding?"  
  
"The Sexy Thief thought he had me for sure," Rogue answered.  
  
"That devil," Tabitha laughed.  
  
"Ahem!" the Queen interrupted. "Hello! We're trying to throw someone in the dungeon here!"  
  
"Oh, sorry. I can wait until tomorrow," Tabitha apologized to her mother.  
  
"I can't believe the Queen ever had a brat like the Princess," the Hatter whispered to Rogue.  
  
The card guards stopped any further talk, dragging Rogue off to a rather nice dungeon cell. Apparently, Wonderland had money to spare.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
The next morning, the guards brought Rogue to the weirdest trial she would ever experience.  
  
The Judge, Bobby, sat in a high post that had to be twenty feet high. There were two sets of stairs leading up to the Judge's level, the places for the plaintiff and the defendant. Rogue was the defendant, with Scott was representing the witnesses and plaintiffs.  
  
"Your Honor," the Duke addressed Bobby, "the people of Wonderland wish to charge Alice with high crimes."  
  
"Where were they committed?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Way down there, on the ground," Scott answered.  
  
"Well, then, they can't be high crimes if they're down so low, now can they?"  
  
"Sorry. Then we wish to call our first witness."  
  
"That doesn't even make sense!" Rogue protested.  
  
"I'll allow it," Bobby said.  
  
Kitty was the first witness.  
  
"In your own words, tell us what happened," the Judge told the White Rabbit.  
  
"Well, I was merrily skipping through the fields when all of a sudden, this weirdo crazy bitch called Alice runs up, grabs my watch, and then steals my boyfriend!"  
  
"Is that true?" Bobby asked Rogue.  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"Story is proven as bullshit; you are dismissed."  
  
Kitty left.  
  
The March Hare came up next.  
  
"What is your opinion of this Alice?" the Judge asked.  
  
"Oh, she can't resist a good hare like myself," Kurt grinned. "I try to keep her from getting too far ahead, but she just can't wait until that special night." He winked suggestively, and the Judge got the meaning.  
  
"Next witness."  
  
The Walrus, Logan, was up.  
  
"What did she act like?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Well, she was polite, and she had a decent sense of fashion. Oh, and she even made the Carpenter build her a boat!"  
  
"You told him to do that!" Rogue snapped.  
  
"Did you?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Actually, yes, but it was for her."  
  
"Next witness."  
  
Tweedles came up, first the Jamie twins.  
  
"What did you learn from her?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Well, I snuck a feel of her goods," one said.  
  
"Yeah, and her butt was nice, just the way I like it," the other sighed.  
  
"You little perverted bastards!" Rogue roared.  
  
Next witnesses: Fred and Todd.  
  
"Did she do anything unusual?"  
  
"Uh, I forget," Fred muttered.  
  
"No, she was perfectly mad," Todd told the Judge.  
  
"Rogue wins the case, now I can go home," the Judge said, getting up to leave.  
  
"Hold it right there, mister!" the Queen barked. "I say when this trial ends!"  
  
"Damn!" Bobby resumed his seat. "Next witness."  
  
"I can't say she wasn't perfectly mad, but she did seem a little confused and just a tad bit skeptical," the Caterpillar said. "She doubted my advice."  
  
"Which was?"  
  
"To date and eventually wed the March Hare."  
  
"I wouldn't listen to that advice either," the Judge said. "Next witness."  
  
"We're all out!" the Duke exclaimed.  
  
"Then can we go home now?" the Judge pleaded.  
  
"No!" the Queen replied sharply.  
  
The Judge swore again. "Okay, then, case closed." He got up to leave, prompting the Queen to throw a rock at his head and hitting the mark. "OW!"  
  
"Grab her!" the Queen ordered, pointing to Rogue.  
  
Being the closest, Kurt grabbed her chest.  
  
"Hey, these are just fine," he said, giving them a little squeeze.  
  
"Not like that, you moron!" the Queen barked.  
  
"Like this!" the Duke said, hefting Rogue over his shoulder. He carried her to a mirror that the Queen was standing next to, and the Queen actually kissed Rogue on one cheek while the Cheshire Cat Mystique did the same on the other cheek.  
  
"Have fun making maniacs!" the Queen said. "That way, we have some more fun!"  
  
And with a shove, Rogue was sent through the mirror portal and tumbling into darkness again...  
  
****************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: You get the drill by now: READ N REVIEW! 


	9. Spread The Madness

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry for the wait, and thanks for the reviews!  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 9: Spread The Madness  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue groaned, rolling onto her side and coughing before she blinked her eyes, waking up. She was back at the Institute, outside what had once been the rabbit hole, but it was now covered up and it looked like there had never been a hole.  
  
'I don't get it,' Rogue thought. 'One minute, I'm in this crazy world, and the next, I'm back home. And why are my clothes back to normal?' Her wedding dress had been replaced by the purple sweater and black spandex pants, and she realized that her gloves had returned. 'I never noticed that they were gone, and no one seemed affected when they kissed me.'  
  
Rogue got to her feet, feeling confused as ever. She looked around, wondering whether she had actually imagined something as wild as Wonderland.  
  
"Rogue!" Kitty called as she raced over to her friend. "We've been looking for you since yesterday!"  
  
"What?" Rogue blinked.  
  
"You just vanished after morning practice yesterday, and everyone was really worried about you, so they were looking all over the place! I had to beg Lance to help!"  
  
"But I was right here," Rogue said vaguely, pointing to the mound where the hole had been a day ago.  
  
Kitty peered closer at her friend. "Rogue, are you feeling all right? You look like you could use some time off."  
  
Rogue shook her head. "Right now I just need to get back to normal."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Well, come on," Kitty said, taking Rogue's arm and shivering abruptly. "You're cold! We need to get you some hot chocolate!"  
  
Rogue didn't protest.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
As she relaxed in the warm bath, Rogue kept going over the mysteries of her own disappearance.  
  
'Even the professor says I just dropped of the planet. But that doesn't make any sense. I followed that Kitty copycat into a hole, fell into some unreal world, met some major weirdoes, and came home after being pushed through a mirror. Just flipping crazy.'  
  
Rogue was trying to relax so hard, she didn't notice when Jean entered.  
  
At least, not until the redhead threw a washcloth onto Rogue's face, causing the other girl to spaz out.  
  
"Jean, what do you think you're doing?" Rogue snapped.  
  
"I didn't see you! I'm sorry!"  
  
"Why don't you keep it, moron!"  
  
Jean was shocked at Rogue's anger. "Excuse me?"  
  
But Rogue wasn't herself. She had lost one spare tire, but the others wanted off as well. With a look of disgust, Rogue began a tirade at her friend.  
  
"You think that just because you can screw with people's heads, you get what you want? And you think that telekinesis of yours is so hot? I can probably get laid without any help and you need to rely on your powers!"  
  
Jean's jaw was hanging open.  
  
"And that hair is so pathetic---you don't stand a chance compared to someone with two styles, like myself! So eat this!"  
  
With a malicious smile, Rogue threw a bar of soap at Jean, hitting her square in the forehead. Jean cursed and was about to respond, but Rogue chucked everything she could: hairdryer, towel, sponge, conditioner, shampoo, and even the hairnet.  
  
Practically screaming, Jean made to escape, but not before Rogue leapt forward and slapped her. Jean fell onto her back on the hallway floor, and ran down the hall, looking for the professor.  
  
In the bathroom, Rogue felt more tension lift away. Another one gone, but still more to go...  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Rogue was walking down the street, an ice cream in hand, when she was freed from another of her burdens.  
  
Sabretooth grabbed the girl from behind and slammed her into the wall of the building, stunning her. "I seem to remember just now how you drained me when I found Logan, back when you and your pals set that trap with the camcorder."  
  
He brandished his claws and approached Rogue, who removed her gloves and engaged.  
  
(AN: Somewhat complicated fight scene here, but Rogue ends up touching him.)  
  
Rogue heaved a sigh of relief as she felt the load on her shoulders lessen slightly, only so many more to go.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
"Wolverine, Sabretooth is attacking!" Cyclops said, rushing out the front door to confront the enemy.  
  
"Let me at him!" Nightcrawler said. "I'm ready!"  
  
"Not for that," Kitty said blankly, pointing.  
  
Up to his waist in the front lawn, looking like one hell of an ugly flower, was Sabretooth. "Oh hello. This is a lovely spot, isn't it?"  
  
The X-Men stared in total disbelief.  
  
"What's your game, Sabretooth?" Wolverine demanded.  
  
"Grow some leaves, and maybe spread some spores to repopulate, but otherwise not much else."  
  
"He's really lost it," Scott said.  
  
"Where are my manners? I'm Dandetooth!" the killer mutant said cheerily.  
  
"And I'm going to be sick," Logan said.  
  
"Well, who are you now, if you're going to be sick later?" Sabretooth asked.  
  
"Guys, we might need some weed killer," Rogue suggested.  
  
And that worked:  
  
Sabretooth shot up from the ground like a rocket, shrieking like a woman. "Flower killers, all of you!"  
  
The vicious mutant took off without another word.  
  
"Okay, I'm confused," Scott said. "What the heck was Sabretooth doing planted in our front lawn like a flower?"  
  
"He must have thought he was a dandelion," Ororo said. "He changed his name to part of that name."  
  
"Well, he isn't the only one around here who's losing it," Jean said, glaring at Rogue.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Pietro and Evan were in another argument at the lockers when Rogue did it again.  
  
"I can still dribble better than you, Daniels."  
  
"You mean scribble!" Evan retorted.  
  
"I can beat you at that, too!"  
  
Just as Evan was about to hit Pietro, Rogue grabbed his arm, and he shivered at her cold hand.  
  
"Oh, look who's stepping in for me!" Pietro grinned, hugging Rogue around the waist from behind, ignoring the brief sensation of cold. "I think I just found a girlfriend!"  
  
"Maximoff!" Evan roared.  
  
But the speedster was gone.  
  
"Hey, Rogue, high five!" Todd said as he and Fred made their way down the hall. Rogue happily complied, lifting even more of the burden off of herself.  
  
Rogue managed to lose another one when Scott handed her his English book to copy down a quote from "The Fall of the House of Usher." (AN: A very good story, I read it!)  
  
Ororo touched Rogue when she helped her up after Rogue had tripped. The various other mutants were easier to nail than Rogue had thought. Lance made contact with Rogue when he hugged her before leaving with Kitty for a dinner date.  
  
It was all going perfectly to plan...  
  
********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: I have to tell you, this story may not be so funny in the next chapters, but I will certainly do my absolute best to make it funny.  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	10. Tyrant

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for the reviews and sorry for the wait!  
  
TO Fuzzy Elf: Sorry for the confusion. I'll try and clear that up now.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 10: Tyrant  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue rubbed her head and sat up, wondering what the hell she had been doing to have a hangover.  
  
"Finally up?" Jean said as she came into the room.  
  
"Jean?" Rogue asked. "What happened last night?"  
  
"Well, other than you attacking Jean and spreading your MPD around, not much," the redhead smirked.  
  
Rogue nodded, and then froze. "What? Did you just talk about yourself from another point of view?"  
  
"No, I know exactly who I am."  
  
Rogue caught on; she was no fool. "The Queen of Hearts."  
  
"Bravo, Rogue. Too bad your realization won't stop us from wreaking all kinds of havoc in Bayville. But be glad, because the effect is only temporary."  
  
"With that in mind, you're more like the Queen of Farts," Rogue sneered.  
  
"Jean" glared at her. "Hold your tongue, wench!"  
  
"Wench?" Rogue echoed. "I'm no wench!"  
  
"You will be when everything is back to normal, because you'll be back in Wonderland with us, and I plan on sending you on a permanent love trip with the March Hare."  
  
"Oh no you don't!"  
  
"Oh yes I do!"  
  
As they argued, Evan listened in.  
  
'Man, girls are weird,' he thought to himself.  
  
Just then, he saw Kurt walking down the hallway. Only he was dressed in a red tailcoat, a pair of brown slacks, a white button-up shirt, an orange vest, and he wasn't using his image inducer.  
  
"Uh, Kurt, you feeling okay?" Evan asked as he eyed his friend.  
  
"Oh, just spiffy!" Kurt replied with a smile. "But I need to find the Mad Hatter so we can have a tea party at the Brotherhood's place!"  
  
"Kurt, maybe you SHOULD see the professor," Evan said.  
  
"Oh, look, there's the Walrus!" Kurt said, pointing to Logan. He teleported over to Logan. "Yikes! I can zip zap from here to there! Wow!"  
  
Kurt turned and began shaking Logan's hand madly. "Nice to see you again, Walrus old boy! Isn't this a lovely little place for all us madmen to be? I think Alice has a very nice home, even though she acts so sad."  
  
Logan was just staring at Kurt. "You feeling all right, Elf?"  
  
"Never better!" Kurt beamed. "And the name is March Hare, not Kurt. He's sleeping."  
  
"I think he's lost it," Evan said to Logan.  
  
"He needs some help, that's for sure," Logan said.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
"How dare you use me like that?" Rogue demanded. "That's why everyone kept kissing me---because they were using my powers to put themselves into my body and wait until they could find their counterparts here!"  
  
"Good deduction, Rogue," the Queen smiled. "But it won't save anyone. We've already tagged every mutant here, except for Mystique and Magneto, with some of his new crew."  
  
"You won't get away with this!" Rogue snarled.  
  
"We already have!" the Queen scoffed. "You can't reabsorb us, so we get some free time. Don't worry, you'll get a mostly happy ending for poor little Bayville."  
  
Smirking, the Queen turned and left.  
  
Rogue was left standing there, seething with rage.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Mystique kicked open the door. "All right, you lazy bums---!" she began, but stopped when she saw what was happening:  
  
Pietro was zipping here and there, gathering all the tools needed to build things. He had collected hammers, nails, screws, wood, and a bunch of other items.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Mystique demanded.  
  
"Building a house, of course!" Pietro replied happily.  
  
Mystique noticed he was wearing a painter's cap, white overalls, and a blue shirt. "Why are you dressed like that?"  
  
"Because I'm the Carpenter," Pietro replied casually. "Now move out of the way, young lady, because the big boys have to work."  
  
"Young lady?" Mystique thundered. But Pietro the Carpenter ignored her as he set up the foundation for a small home in the living room.  
  
Mystique decided not to push his psychosis any further and headed upstairs-- -  
  
Where she found Todd and Fred acting very strange. They were wearing odd outfits and trying to get some lines right, as though they were in a play or something.  
  
"Hey, another bimbo we can practice on!" Fred said, pointing to Mystique.  
  
"I am not a bimbo!" Mystique roared.  
  
But the two were obviously too stupid to pay attention.  
  
"Say how do you do!" Fred began.  
  
"Tie the laces of your shoe!" Todd said.  
  
"Is that haircut new?" Fred said.  
  
"Into slavery we sold you!" Todd finished.  
  
They stood there with big stupid grins, satisfied with their own incompetence.  
  
Mystique was shocked, to say the least. These two morons were actually doing this!  
  
"Aside, woman!" Tabitha barked, shoving Mystique into the wall. "I need my beauty sleep!"  
  
The two boys parted for the girl, but said nothing.  
  
Mystique was puzzled as hell. 'Have they all gone mad?!' she asked herself.  
  
Getting up, she headed downstairs to find Pietro almost finished. She rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water. But more bad luck there: Tabitha had drunk them all after labeling each one "Property of the Princess of Hearts".  
  
'You have GOT to be kidding me,' Mystique thought. 'They all think they're characters from Wonderland!'  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Jean was stalking the halls of the Institute when she found Scott.  
  
"You there!" she addressed him. "Put some proper attire on!"  
  
"Jean, what are you talking about?" Scott asked, hoping she wasn't going mad like Kurt had.  
  
Jean slapped him upside the head before she snapped, "You are indecently exposed before a queen! How dare you commit such an offense?"  
  
"You're not a queen!"  
  
That was the worst thing he said.  
  
In retaliation, Jean gave him a swift kick to the groin, and Scott squeaked like a mouse before dropping like a sack of dirt.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
"Now, Kurt, I want you to relax," Xavier said.  
  
"You mean like this?" the Hare asked. He was spinning in circles in one of the guest chairs Xavier had in the study.  
  
"Please stop doing that."  
  
"Okay!" the Hare said before he jumped up and started to act like he was dancing.  
  
"Kurt, please!"  
  
"I'm not Kurt, I'm the March Hare!"  
  
"Listen, Kurt, you must fight this."  
  
"Okay!" Before he knew what was happening, Kurt had slapped Xavier across the face. "Stand and fight, Bald One!"  
  
"Bald One?" Xavier bellowed. "I'll knock every hair of that blue butt of yours!"  
  
"Not this time! Only Rogue gets to touch this cute little caboose!" He turned around, bent over, and began waving his butt like a dog waved its tail.  
  
"Kurt, please, that's disgusting!" Xavier begged.  
  
"Only if you do one thing."  
  
"Anything!"  
  
"No, one thing," Hare corrected. "You only do one thing!"  
  
"Name it!"  
  
"No, one thing," Hare corrected calmly.  
  
"Kurt, you've gone mad!"  
  
"No, that's the Hatter!"  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry if the title was weird, but it's about the Queen. Also, I hope to put more humor into the next chapter, since this one wasn't very good.  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	11. Late

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry for the wait and thanks for the reviews, all!  
  
TO Lady MR: MPD means Multiple Personality Disorder; it's a mental illness. And Remy is with Magneto, wherever they are, and he is already a sexy thief.  
  
TO ALL: Does anyone out there know what LMBO means?  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 11: Late  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kitty groaned and woke up, looking around. Last night had shown that Kurt had lost his mind...at least, it did until Kitty realized the same thing Kurt did: They were on a share plan with some Wonderland counterparts now.  
  
Kitty dressed in the same attire the White Rabbit did, having taken the clothes from Xavier's closet when he was downstairs. She decided it was absolutely necessary to concentrate in order to make her rabbit ears pop out from atop her head.  
  
'Think, think, think!' she thought.  
  
POP.  
  
Kitty looked into the mirror and saw her always-adorable ears.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Satisfied, Rabbit went downstairs, where Scott and Evan were discussing Evan's school grades so far.  
  
"Uh, Kitty, what's up with that major weird suit?" Evan asked.  
  
Rabbit went scarlet and slapped him.  
  
"Jeez, I was just asking!" he said.  
  
"What a wuss," Scott muttered.  
  
"You didn't sound too great after Jean did a field goal on your nads!" Evan retorted.  
  
Rabbit went scarlet again. "How dare you call the Queen such a name? That sort of thing is for a commoner!"  
  
The two boys stared at her.  
  
Rabbit glanced at her watch. "Oh no, I'm late again!"  
  
She ran off, leaving two very confused mutants.  
  
"When did Kitty start carrying around a gold pocket watch?" Scott asked.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey, where's that watch my grandpa gave me on his deathbed?" Duncan asked, searching his pockets.  
  
* * *  
  
Evan shrugged.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Rabbit got to school must earlier than Kitty ever did, earning herself thirty extra minutes.  
  
'Well, I suppose I should go find someone to talk to,' she thought, wandering around.  
  
It took ten whole minutes for Rabbit to find Lance, who was shaking down more soda machines.  
  
"Hatter!" she cried, leaping onto his back and wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
Normally, Lance would ask Kitty to get off, but when Rabbit touched him, Lance's body went all tingly---and the Mad Hatter was up!  
  
"Yikes!" Hatter said. "Look at these dreary clothes! I need something with a little touch of pizzazz! Wait here, sweetie!"  
  
After another ten minutes, Hatter returned, in his common green garb and unique top hat.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Hatter found Lance's first class very interesting: Chemistry.  
  
"Now, you mix the two solutions together, and you should have a reaction that will leave you---"  
  
"With less of a mind than you already have," Hatter said, making the class snicker.  
  
"Mr. Alvers," the teacher said sternly.  
  
"Actually, it's Hatter."  
  
"Whatever. I will ask that you not interrupt my class while I am teaching again."  
  
"Then why don't you ask it?"  
  
"Mr. Alvers!"  
  
"Teacher!"  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Okay," Hatter said cheerily, pouring the first solution into a different beaker than he had been doing.  
  
"Not that one!" the teacher shrieked as the class was covered in orange fog.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Rabbit was becoming very confused. History appeared to be much harder than she thought it was.  
  
"Ms. Pryde, would you remove those silly ears please, so that I may start the lesson?" Mr. Burnett asked. (AN: My study hall monitor is Burnett, and he is a total jackass/dick!)  
  
Rabbit seemed horrified of the idea. She clutched her ears protectively. "No!"  
  
"But they're just polyester," the teacher reasoned.  
  
"No they're not! They're real!" Rabbit protested. She stood up. "And so is this!"  
  
She lifted up the back of her tailcoat, as though mooning the class, and they all got a glimpse of her rabbit's heart-shaped tail.  
  
"Ms. Pryde, control yourself!" Burnett said.  
  
"You control yourself!" Rabbit shot back. "You monsters kill helpless bunny rabbits all the time, and then you drag them around and cut their heads off and put them on yours walls so you can show them to your asshole friends! You even skin them and eat them and you wear their furs like a bunch of barbarians because you don't like your own naked beauty and you have no nice and smooth fur and you make me sick!"  
  
She stood there panting heavily for about two seconds---  
  
The class exploded into deafening applause, and Rabbit found herself paraded down the halls on the shoulders of several popular kids, cheerleaders and a couple of soccer players.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Hatter was sitting at a table with Fred and Todd, the Tweedles, when Rabbit jumped on him from behind.  
  
"They were so mean to me!" she pined loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear. "The teacher doesn't like us bunny rabbits!"  
  
Hatter was shocked. "What happened?"  
  
"Well," Rabbit said, sobbing. "I yelled at the teacher and everyone was clapping after I did that, but I still hate him."  
  
"We'd better take care of this guy, before he finds his hunting license," Hatter said to the Tweedles.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"What?" Mr. Burnett gasped. "Who did that to my car?"  
  
His Mercedes has been completely ruined, with happy face stickers, offensive words, and slashed tires. Also, Todd had spit all over the seats.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Rabbit rushed to her math class.  
  
"Now, if you add pie to the equation," the teacher was saying.  
  
"We get to eat in class? Finally," Rabbit said as she removed several carrots from her backpack. Absently, she began eating them while trying to solve the problem.  
  
The teacher was about to say she wasn't allowed to eat in class, but several of the students had been with her in History, and the rest had heard about her outburst.  
  
"Hey man, it's a free country!" one student yelled. Rabbit didn't seem to notice, focused on the math.  
  
"Yeah, she can do whatever she wants to do!" another kid said.  
  
A third stood up. "These teachers and their system---the Man has held us down for too long!"  
  
"Yeah!" the others thundered in unison.  
  
The teacher was really worried now: Rabbit had started some kind of a revolution!  
  
"Down with school!" the students bellowed, hefting Rabbit on their arms again and parading about.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Hatter's next class was Gym.  
  
He ran outside to the coach, who raised an eyebrow. "Alvers, why are you dressed like you're going to a tea party?"  
  
"Well, I'm the Mad Hatter, and I do plan on hosting a tea party later."  
  
"Play or no, you have to give me five laps."  
  
"Okay. There's one, and another, and another, and another, and a fifth." He had been pointing to people's laps.  
  
"I meant running!" the coach bellowed.  
  
"Oh!" Hatter apologized...and then began pointing to the laps of five people who were running.  
  
The coach threw down his clipboard, furious. "Are you stupid or something?"  
  
"No, I'm perfectly mad."  
  
The coach could barely believe his ears.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Rabbit was in a very odd mood when she left school: She liked how everyone was nice to her, but she didn't like how the teachers were so mean!  
  
Hatter decided to cheer her up by hosting a tea party at the Brotherhood's place, and maybe even Xavier's.  
  
"But won't that blue lady be mad?" Fred asked.  
  
"We can invite her to the party as well!" Hatter smiled.  
  
"Then what're we waiting for?" Todd said.  
  
"Let's have a party!" cheered Rabbit.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: God, I hope you guys think this one is good, b/c I sure don't. The ONLY good part was Kitty-Rabbit's rant!  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


	12. The Tea Party From Hell

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for the reviews and sorry for the wait! Next wait might be even longer b/c I am running low on ideas!  
  
TO Rogue: 'Write more aspirin Plus'? What are you talking about?  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 12: The Tea Party From Hell  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mystique woke up with a stiff back. She had been forced to sleep on the floor Todd's room because his bed was probably as disgusting as he was, and it was the only actual place where she felt she could drift off.  
  
Todd had bunked with Fred in his room for the same odd reason that everyone was behaving from: They were crazies. Pietro had done something to his door to make it swing open, slide sideways, and even rotate. Lance was too weird to go near.  
  
And that isn't mentioning that Tabitha commandeered her room! Mystique could strangle her, and just might if pushed a little more.  
  
She got up and stormed to what was rightfully her room, slamming her fist on the door. "Let me in!"  
  
The door opened just as she was about to pound again, and a pile of dirty laundry was shoved into her face.  
  
"---And after that, you need to make a garden, dig it, plow it, attend the flowers, get me a cappuccino, rent a DVD, buy a lottery ticket, make sure the Tweedles aren't doing anything dangerous, find my carriage, tell my mom I'm doing fine---"  
  
"Do I look like your personal slave?" Mystique snapped.  
  
"In those clothes you look like a cocktail waitress, but you won't fool me," Tabitha said and pushed Mystique away from the door. "Now get a move on!"  
  
Mystique was thunderstruck.  
  
She stomped downstairs, dropping the load of clothes and deciding to try and do something about all this madness.  
  
"Oh drat!" she heard Lance say. "We need the Hare if we're to have a proper tea party!"  
  
Investigating, Mystique found what they were doing in the living room.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Rogue woke up with a slight headache, and headed downstairs to get some aspirin. She didn't pay attention as the March Hare, Kurt, was swinging overhead on a chandelier, singing "I Will Survive" by Cher.  
  
"Get him down from there!" the Queen ordered the Duke, Scott.  
  
"Hare, I'm warning you!" the Duke bellowed.  
  
The Queen slapped him on the head. "I said get, not warn! Look him in the eye and get him down! I can't have my lovely new castle ruined by a lunatic hare!"  
  
The Duke took off his glasses and glared at the Hare---just after he realized he was shooting some sort of laser blast from his eyes.  
  
"EEK!" Hare screamed, teleporting just as the blast blew apart the ceiling, leaving a hole.  
  
"Well," Logan the Walrus said. "Better get the Carpenter."  
  
Rogue decided it would be better if she went to school.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Mystique's jaw dropped she saw realized what she was seeing: A table was sitting in the middle of the living room, with Lance, Todd, and Fred were sitting at the table, drinking from one of the dozens of cups that had been scoured from all over the house. Practically every chair in the building was also there, and Mystique knew the guys had lost it for real.  
  
"What do you nutballs think you're up to now?" she demanded.  
  
"Oh, have a seat!" Lance the Mad Hatter said. "We were just having a wonderful tea party!"  
  
"That's right, yo!" Todd said.  
  
"Cause you're a stupid hoe!" Fred finished with a beaming smile.  
  
Mystique could not believe her ears. These morons called her a hoe!  
  
Lance had been drinking from one cup when he suddenly stopped, grabbed Mystique's hair, pulled some out, and then continued drinking. Mystique stared blankly at him.  
  
He stopped again and said, "No, she definitely doesn't improve the flavor."  
  
"Let me try!" Todd said, hopping over and licking her face before she could stop him.  
  
"YUK!" Mystique said, grossed out. "I'm leaving!"  
  
Just as she reached the door, it burst open, whacking her in the nose. The White Rabbit ran into the room and said, "Hatter, we need the Carpenter over at the Queen's before it's destroyed! That, and we need a decent tea party for once: Hare's been causing a bunch of trouble without you."  
  
Hatter was alarmed. "Let's go, men!"  
  
As the group rushed out, the trampled on Mystique's feet, making her curse lividly as she hopped up and down, clutching her foot.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Evan ran into the professor's study, hoping to escape the madness.  
  
"Oh hello," Xavier said. "Want some?"  
  
He was sitting on a pile of cushions, and appeared to be smoking a long, thin metal pipe.  
  
Evan raised an eyebrow. "Professor, have you been getting high?"  
  
"Actually, it's Caterpillar, and yes I have." He took another long suck, and wheezed it out. "This is the good stuff!"  
  
"You've lost it, just like they have!" Evan gasped. "I'm the last kid in Bayville that's sane!"  
  
BOOM!  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"Not another hole!" the Queen snarled. "How many times does this have to happen?"  
  
"Until the world is hole-ified?" the Duke suggested.  
  
"You are all guilty!" Bobby the Judge said, cackling maniacally as he ran around, freezing other people.  
  
"Where's the Sexy Thief?" Roberto the Priest asked, rushing around and looking. "I have a wedding to finish!"  
  
The Queen, Duke, and Hare all went rigid, and then turned around slowly to face Roberto.  
  
"Oops."  
  
"Get him!" Hare roared. "He's trying to steal my woman for some common thief!"  
  
While Hare chased Priest around, the Queen and Duke got back to waiting for the Carpenter.  
  
BOOM!  
  
The Queen rounded on the Duke.  
  
"I told you not to do that again!" she thundered.  
  
"I didn't! It came from the kitchen!"  
  
The Walrus staggered out. "Everybody run for it! The White Rabbit is trying to cook a surprise un-birthday meal for the Hatter!"  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Just when she had gotten to school, Rogue felt the hairs on the back of her neck go up.  
  
"Chere, did you expect to leave the Sexy Thief hanging?" Remy said as he dropped down next to her from a tree.  
  
Rogue blinked. "But I didn't touch you!"  
  
"Okay, Remy confess that he snuck in to give you a box of Hershey's kisses and gave you a quick peck on the lips."  
  
Rogue blinked again. "You need to stay away! I'll scream!"  
  
"Oh chere, the Sexy Thief gon' make you happy! I found the Priest!" He tried to advance, but she kicked him in the shin and dashed into school.  
  
Rogue hurried to her nearest class, Biology, and ducked inside. She saw the Sexy Thief run past, missing her completely.  
  
Class began a few minutes later, and Rogue managed to turn her mind away from the lunatic that wanted to marry her.  
  
"Now, be very careful with this solution, as it can temporarily blind you," the teacher warned a second before the door was kicked in---  
  
With the Sexy Thief standing in the doorway like a knight in shining armor.  
  
"Hey chere, Remy back for you."  
  
Rogue clapped a hand to her forehead. "God, I never get a break!"  
  
"Oh relax, chere. The Sexy Thief, he give you a nice long break after you give him some little thieves."  
  
Everyone was staring at her.  
  
"What?" Rogue snapped. "He's the weirdo, not me!" She grabbed up the solution and threw it at Remy's face.  
  
"Nice try, chere, but the Sexy Thief found a nice pair of glasses."  
  
Rogue looked and realized he was wearing some very crafty glasses that had shielded him from being blinded.  
  
The Sexy Thief rushed forward before she could do anything more, picking her up like the classic image of the groom carrying the bride.  
  
"And now we go get married, chere!" he grinned before dashing off.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
BOOM!  
  
"There seem to be a lot of those around her lately," Rabbit smirked as she led Hatter through the Institute. "And here's the surprise I had planned for you!"  
  
She turned around and held out a basket of muffins.  
  
Hatter smiled. "How nice of you!" He took one and proceeded to eat, waiting for her to turn around. When she did, he faked a couple of gagging actions to the Tweedles, who burst into laughter.  
  
"Do you like it?" Rabbit asked hopefully.  
  
"Actually, it's really good." And he wasn't lying: Judging from his memory, Rabbit's cooking was far better than Kitty's.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Upstairs, the Carpenter was assessing the situation.  
  
"Well, you seem to have a hole here in the floor," he said, pointing.  
  
"I thought it was a blemish," the Caterpillar.  
  
"I thought it was a freckle or something," the Walrus said. "Get to work!"  
  
The hole was repaired quickly.  
  
"And the others," the Walrus said.  
  
The Carpenter groaned.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"Tea party!" Hatter called.  
  
"Give!" Hare said, having a tug-of-war with Todd for the butter stick.  
  
"Get!" Todd said, straining.  
  
Rabbit was punching the buttons on the cordless in random order, and let it ring. "Hello? Who's this? But I don't know any Fidel Castro. Is this a prank call? Don't take that tone with me, young man! I'll tell your mother on you!"  
  
"Oh, let me!" Fred said, snatching the phone. "Do you have anything good in your fridge? I can't understand a word you're saying, but it sounds like it tastes good!"  
  
"Oh look," Bobby the Judge said lazily. "There goes the Sexy Thief with Alice on a vine."  
  
The Duke, Hare, and Queen spit out what they had in their mouths.  
  
"We need to get her!" the Queen bellowed. "I promised her for the Hare!" (AN: In one issue of What If, they do have Kurt falling for Rogue).  
  
"After the Sexy Thief!" the Duke ordered, but no one moved. "Come on, people!"  
  
"I'm having an oil job here," Rahne said. She had gotten a tattoo on her back like a playing card, the 3 of diamonds. Ray and Jubilee had similar tattoos.  
  
"Then WE need to stop him, before he marries the girl of my dreams!" Hare begged.  
  
"Oh, all right!" the Queen snapped.  
  
Dashing off into the forest after the Sexy Thief and Rogue, the group hoped to stop any wedding.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
"Why do I have to have a bunch of guys after me?" Rogue complained.  
  
"Aw, chere," Remy said. "You just need to remember that the Sexy Thief is gonna make you all happy when we hitched."  
  
Rogue started to cry.  
  
'I'm only fifteen and I'm going to end up married to a guy from a place that shouldn't exist! Let's just hope the Hare doesn't get me instead!'  
  
********************************************************************* 


	13. Wedding Gongs

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Thanks for reviewing and VERY SORRY for the wait, all! I couldn't think of anything for a long while!  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 13: Wedding Gongs  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hare, the Queen, and Duke ran through the forest, chasing the Sexy Thief as best they could.  
  
"My feet hurt!" the Duke complained.  
  
"Did you even consider putting your shoes back on after the foot job the Queen gave you?" Hare asked.  
  
The Queen whacked him upside the head. "Jerk, don't ever diss on me!"  
  
"Shouldn't we be chasing the Sexy Thief?" the Duke asked.  
  
"Damn! After him!" the Queen ordered.  
  
They resumed chasing, but fell into the ditch directly in front of them, because they were looking up for the Thief, not down or in front.  
  
"Get off of me!" the Queen bellowed to the Duke.  
  
"I will once the Hare gets off me!"  
  
"I can't!" Hare said. "Your hand is in my pants!"  
  
"That's disgusting!" the Queen said.  
  
"It isn't my fault!" Hare shot back. "This idiot doesn't have control over himself!"  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"I've got you now, Priest!" Bobby the Judge smirked.  
  
"No fool, for it is I who have YOU!" Roberto the Priest shot back, whipping out a mirror. Fortunately, the Judge was vain, and stared longingly into the mirror. "Listen to my voice: You are shallow and will never have a woman. I get more pootie than you ever will, and I'm a priest. You will stare into the mirror until I have escaped."  
  
"Yes, moron," the Judge replied.  
  
The Priest clapped a hand to his forehead, then handed the mirror to the Judge and ran to find the Sexy Thief.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
"Oh look!" Riley sneered. "Kitty Cat's gone mental!" Her cohorts laughed like dimwits.  
  
The White Rabbit, however, turned bright red and, furious at the remark, she decked Riley with a brutal right hook. The other girl dropped like a sack of dirt.  
  
"Get her!" the other girls said, and charged.  
  
"Not so fast!" Hatter called and he screeched to a halt in his jeep, the Tweedles and Carpenter hopping out with him. "She's with us!"  
  
"Then she can die with you!" one girl snapped as the small gang attacked.  
  
Fred thrust his gut forward, sending one girl flying backward. Todd tied another's shoelaces together and she tripped. The Carpenter, Pietro, whipped up yet another small house around a third girl, trapping her within. Hatter took off his hat, crammed it into Riley's head as she got back up, and punched her in the gut several times until she went down.  
  
"Kiss my adorably furry ass!" the Rabbit laughed as she and her friends took off in Lance's jeep.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
"Here we are, chere," the Sexy Thief smiled as he carried Rogue into the church.  
  
Rogue saw Roberto dressed like a priest, and he was the only other person there.  
  
"Don't we need a witness to make this legal or something?" she asked.  
  
"We got one, chere," the Thief replied smoothly. He pointed back to the altar and Rogue saw Evan hiding there, as though scared.  
  
"What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Oh, he just went a little crazy when he turned into the dorSpyke," the Thief shrugged. "But at least we gon' get married!"  
  
He set Rogue down and fished inside his pocket for a ring, which Rogue had to admit was lovely, especially on her. The Thief nodded to Roberto the Priest, who began wrapping up the wedding that had started in Wonderland.  
  
"Where was I again?" he asked.  
  
"At the very beginning," Rogue said quickly.  
  
"She just kidding," the Thief chuckled. "You were asking her."  
  
Rogue hissed under her breath at her bad luck. Roberto shrugged and went on.  
  
"Rogue, do you take the Sexy Thief to be your lawfully wedded husband, till catch him cheating on you or find out that the sex isn't good enough no matter what you do part?"  
  
Rogue knew there was no escaping this time, and decided it was best if she resigned herself to her fate. "I do."  
  
"Then I pronounce you both married or whatever guys like me are supposed to say at this part of the ceremony."  
  
Remy swept Rogue up and kissed her deeply, and she had to admit that it was rather nice. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what the others would think when everything returned to normal.  
  
A watch beeped, and Remy glanced at it. "Oops, only got a couple hours until we go back home, chere!"  
  
"What?" she asked, confused.  
  
"We on time share plan here. Only got a couple more hours until we return to Wonderland and get on with our regular lives."  
  
Just then, before Rogue could say anything, the doors burst open, and the Hare, Duke, and Queen were standing there, dirty and seething.  
  
"Not so fast, Thief!" the Queen roared. "Alice there is getting Hare for a real man!"  
  
"It's YOU who's not so fast," Remy laughed. "The Sexy Thief just finished getting hitched!"  
  
The interlopers were thunderstruck.  
  
"No!" Hare screamed, throwing himself to his knees dramatically. "It can't end like this! I never got laid! I never learned how to do my own laundry! I can't stop thinking about Alice naked, and in bed with the Queen!"  
  
"What was that?" the Queen bellowed.  
  
"Crap."  
  
Hare had to run at record speed to keep from being killed by the Queen.  
  
"Well, I for one will stop you!" the Duke said.  
  
"Wrong again, glasses," the Thief smirked and rolled out a large gong. He used the hammer to beat on it, and the whole church shuddered from the effect of the noise.  
  
While the trio of Hare-Rogue supporters were stunned from the gong's effect, Remy picked up Rogue and began dashing away again.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"Uh, I don't feel so good," Jubilee said.  
  
"Me too," Rahne agreed.  
  
"Me three, you two," Ray corrected Rahne.  
  
"Oh, sorry," Rahne thanked him.  
  
"Are those tattoos on our backs?" Jubilee asked.  
  
"I think I'm losing touch with reality," Rahne said before all three passed out.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
In his study, Xavier blinked, waking up with a loud groan. He glanced around and noticed all the drug paraphernalia.  
  
"Uh-oh. Better not let anyone else find out about these. Rumor might spread that I'm a junkie or something."  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: Hope you all liked that! Last chapter up next! READ N REVIEW! 


	14. Back To Unreality

Rogue in Wonderland  
  
By Blackheart Syaoran  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry for the wait and thanks for the reviews!  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 14: Back To Unreality  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Sexy Thief carried Rogue through the trees on foot, because he wanted to see how ordinary guys did it. Rogue thought he was being a little stupid, but she went along, mostly because he was the only thing holding her up at the moment.  
  
"Don' you worry, chere," Remy said. "The Sexy Thief gon' make you happy!"  
  
"Didn't you already say that?"  
  
"I don' know."  
  
Rogue shrugged.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
At the Institute, everyone was starting to return to their original selves.  
  
"Oh man, what was I smoking?" Todd asked.  
  
Fred looked at his own clothes, then Todd's, then back again. "What were we BOTH smoking?"  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
"I like the suit, Lance," Kitty purred.  
  
"Same for you, Kitty-Cat," Lance smirked.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Logan gaped at his mirror image.  
  
"Better change back into the regular me, or else everyone'll think I'm a queer."  
  
Pietro was striking poses next to Logan.  
  
"I'm one hot Carpenter, yeah!" he said.  
  
"Sure, Speedy."  
  
"Quiet, old man."  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Tabitha blinked and sat up with a groan. She looked to one side and saw two Multiples, which meant something weird had been going on.  
  
"Guess I better clean the place up," she said to herself before readying one of her bombs.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Mystique edged carefully around the corner, hoping to escape without anyone noticing her. Somewhere in all the zaniness that had gone on, she had managed to lose her clothes. She doubted Xavier's school courses included Naked Blue Woman Watching.  
  
Turning the corner, she bumped into Ororo.  
  
"Whoa," Ororo said. "As evil as you are, nice rack."  
  
"Thanks. Where's the exit?"  
  
"Right over there."  
  
"Thanks, and nice butt."  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Jean, Kurt, Evan, and Scott staggered into the Institute.  
  
"What were we doing?" Scott asked. "I can't remember."  
  
"Maybe we let Kitty drive?" Jean said. "You know how she drives."  
  
"Hey, watch your mouth about my secret crush," Kurt said. "Oops."  
  
"You still love Kitty?" Evan asked. "That's so sweet!"  
  
"Uh, Evan, girls say that line, not boys," Jean pointed out.  
  
"Darn."  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"Hey, look!" Rahne pointed. "Isn't that Rogue running across the lawn?"  
  
"And that's that Gambit guy!" Lance said. "What's going on?"  
  
"Rogue, where are you going?" Jean yelled.  
  
"To my house of cards!" Rogue yelled back.  
  
"What house of cards?" Kurt yelled.  
  
"The one I have to live in!"  
  
"Why?" Logan yelled.  
  
"Because she got hitched to the Sexy Thief!" Remy yelled in response.  
  
Everyone's jaws dropped.  
  
"Rogue, married? Weird," Evan said.  
  
"Not any weirder than you saying that 'sweet' line," Kurt said.  
  
"Or any weirder than all the drugs and crap we found in the professor's study," Ray said.  
  
"There were drugs and crap in the professor's study?" Scott gaped.  
  
"Tons of it," Jubilee said.  
  
"And you didn't even offer any to us?" Todd shrieked. "You monster!"  
  
"Uh---Hey, look, Rogue's getting away!" Xavier improvised.  
  
"Get her!" Jean yelled.  
  
Everyone gave the Rebel Yell and charged after their friend/teammate.  
  
"What a bunch of gullible morons," Xavier said.  
  
"You wanna say that again, Charley?" Logan asked as he cracked his knuckles.  
  
"Crap."  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
"They won' catch us, chere!" Remy smiled. "The Sexy Thief is faster than a flat tire!"  
  
"Why is that not reassuring?" Rogue asked herself.  
  
"Rogue, try and escape!" Scott yelled as he chased after the two.  
  
"We here, chere!" the Sexy Thief said as he leapt into the rabbit hole with Rogue.  
  
Just as the others reached it, the hole magically filled with dirt and vanished.  
  
"Crap!" Evan yelled. He dropped to his knees and punched the spot where the hole had been several times. "Stupid magic!"  
  
"Well, I guess we need a new teammate/friend now," Roberto said.  
  
"We get her first!" Pietro said. "Rogue was with us before she switched sides!"  
  
"Yeah, we get dibs!" Todd said.  
  
"Fine, but we decide on the codename," Scott said.  
  
"No way!" Lance said. "We get everything first!"  
  
"That's totally unfair!" Kurt said. "We should at least get something first!"  
  
"You can have the first trip to the Grand Canyon with the new person," Fred said.  
  
"What? That idea sucks!" Jean said.  
  
"Yeah!" Bobby said. "It sucks AND it blows!"  
  
As the two teams argued over who got what, Rogue and the Sexy Thief headed back to their house of cards to live happily ever after...or as close to that as you can get in Wonderland.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR: I hope everyone liked this story! I should have more Truth fics out soon!  
  
READ N REVIEW! 


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